Some dos and don’ts for planning your wedding
By Kathy Van Mullekom Daily Press (Newport News, Va.) NEWPORT NEWS, Va. — You’re planning the day of your dreams — your wed-ding. It may be the first time you and your husband-to-be collaborate on a major event and you both want it to be perfect. And it should be because it’s the beginning of your life together, whether it’s your first or second marriage.
There’s a lot to deal with and a lot to think about. Emotions may run away with each of you before you walk down the aisle to exchange rings because you’re overloaded with “do this” and “don’t do that” tips from everyone around you.
To help you get through all the preparations, the Founder’s Inn in Virginia Beach, Va., put together a “wedding do’s and don’ts” list. They are professionals, so they can help you keep your cool and enjoy the day you’ve always dreamed about.
DO Hire a wedding coordinator. Brides often make the mistake of giving the job of wedding coordinator to a close friend or family member. Loved ones are eager to help — but it can all go out the window on your wedding day because your coordinator is caught up in her own get-ready matters or she’s already down the aisle as a member of the wedding party or guest.
The dress that needs fluffing and the makeup that needs finishing touches shouldn’t be-come the bride’s responsibility. Today’s coordinators offer a variety of packages to fit most every budget and most include a “day of” package. It also allows your family and friends to escape the stress and enjoy the festivities.
Start a file. Once you’re engaged, buy several magazines, spend time online and start an accordion folder of likes and dislikes. This gives your coordinator a great visual idea of your dream wedding.
Seek out the best deal. Once you decide on your wedding gown and bridesmaid’s dresses, search the Internet for all locations where they are sold. Do price comparisons and travel to the winning location.
Think future. Consider choosing “wear-again” brides-maid’s dresses and shoes. Your attendants will appreciate being able to get more use for their money.
Buy welcome gifts. Create welcome gifts for the out-of-town guests. They can be unique to the area or in line with your wedding theme. Let them know how much you appreciate their efforts.
Pay attention to photography details. Discuss any family challenges with your photographer. For example, divorced parents, depending on their current relationship, may be uncomfortable posing for a photo with their arms around each other’s waists. Make the photographer aware of ongoing sibling rivalries. Discuss anyone with special needs such as the elderly or handicapped folks that will need a little more TLC.
Guide your guests. With a religious ceremony, if many guests will be of another faith, it may be wise to provide a pro-gram explaining the ceremony, as well as the words of prayer hymns.
Make it your time. Plan the day for yourself, not for others. Get the groom involved — it’s his wedding, too.
Order two bouquets. Have the florist make a smaller version of your bouquet. Use that one to toss at the reception, and keep the larger as a memento. Research a local florist or business that can dry the bouquet, frame it and put it under glass for you to keep on display in your home.
DON’T Listen to everybody’s (and their mother’s) advice. OK, listen patiently and let them know you appreciate their advice. But make your own decisions.
Leave guests waiting. Don’t let too much time lapse between the time the pre-reception begins and the bridal party arrives. Guests get bored and may drink too much. Take photographs before the ceremony or at the reception to avoid a delay.
Choose the date first. Decide the season you’d like to get married in. Check with your church, if you are having a church wedding, and with your reception site. Then, back in your wedding date. If you and your fiancé want, for in-stance, to get married on the same day you met, that may be your ideal. But practically speaking, it’s best to find the reception site first. Most reception sites are booked at least a year in advance and sometimes longer during the peak wed-ding months of April through October. Also, provide an ac-curate number of guests; that number can open or close certain venues.
Skip the seating plan. Unless you are having a cocktail reception with hors d’oeuvres, a seating plan is imperative. Many guests feel uncomfortable without assigned seating. Seat older guests away from the source of any loud music.
Be impatient with small children. Let children get comfort-able with their duties. Have the flower girl pretend to throw flowers, have the ring bearer actually hold the pillow with a ring on it. There are children’s books that explain their roles. Assign an adult member of the bridal party to stand by them, preferably someone the child is familiar with. This adult can “keep an eye” on the child throughout the ceremony.
Put inappropriate items in your wedding invitation. Avoid including coupons for hotels or rental car agencies, a note explaining where the bride is registered or a note requesting that cash gifts are appreciated. A wedding invitation gives guests information they need it should not be an advertising medium!
Take only full-color photos. Request some black and white photos, which often better ex-press the timeless nature of the event and of love itself.
Forget the officiant. Invite the minister, rabbi or justice of the peace to your reception.
Use vague words on your invitation. If you are having your ceremony in a location other than your reception location, list the start time of the reception. Do not put “immediately following the ceremony” on the invitation; people may arrive too early or too late without that specific start time.
Fret too much. Don’t get caught up in the small details so that you lose sight of the beauty of your wedding day. As they say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Details: Founder’s Inn and Spa
Located near the oceanfront in Virginia Beach, Va., the Founder’s Inn and Spa features vacation getaways, corporate meetings and conferences and events such as wedding and parties. There’s a lake and landscaped English gardens for outdoor settings and indoor reception areas.
The Flowering Almond Spa provides everything from facials to body wraps. A two-night “Couples Spa Rejuvenation Weekend Package” starts at $595.
The inn is located at 5641 Indian River Road; www.foundersinn.com or 757-366-5700.
MyTime magazine is a monthly publication geared for women 30 and older. It’s published by the Daily Press in Newport News, Va. Kathy Van Mullekom is editor and writer for the magazine. See the magazine at hrmytime.com.